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Tuesday, August 09, 2016

Family Photos 2016

The last time we had family photos taken, Linc wasn't born yet. So... it was time again! I was initially overwhelmed at the thought of getting everyone prepped for a photo session, but when it came down to it, I LOVED figuring out what we'd wear and where we'd go. I spent a ridiculous amount of time looking through our clothes, ordering some new things, and then doing different flat-lay combinations of all the outfits. I was a woman obsessed.


You can see we went to Wheeler Farm again, which is a favorite place for the kids so I hoped it'd encourage them to look like they were having a good time.

Since Maddie doesn't seem to be doing well lately, I chose the farm because it's dog-friendly. I want her in some recent photos in case we get bad news at the vet this week. She's a special part of our family, and although I often wish she couldn't bark, I still love her!


I hired Elisabeth from Outside Focus after seeing the results of a session she did with a friend. She was the one who initially suggested bringing the family pet if we had one, and she was so patient with us as we wrangled the kids and the dog for a number of photos.

The only thing I don't like about family sessions is not being able to both be in the photo and stand to the side to style everything at the same time. I love how so many of these shots turned out, but I often catch something I wish I'd been able to see from another perspective in order to alter it. I know, I'm a control freak.

But those little things don't really matter because we have so many shots in which everyone, even the dog, is looking toward the camera. I don't need perfect smiles; I just need to see those cute faces!



It was a fun night, and having the kids in a familiar environment, with welcome distractions between photos, made a big impact on how well things went. When Linc ran down a ramp and skidded on the dirt, falling onto his head, Elisabeth whipped out gummies for the kids to eat while Linc calmed down. It was the perfect diversion from his bump and it gave Elisabeth a chance to snap some shots of just me and Kev.

 
After a few shots in each place, Linc would casually announce, "I'm done!" and hop off whatever prop we were using. He even yawned out, "THIS IS BOOOORING!" at one point and I about died laughing. I'm so glad this went well and we got the pictures I envisioned from Elisabeth.

If you're in the Salt Lake area, please consider using Outside Focus! Elisabeth is so friendly and prompt with her responses to inquiries. And since she's just starting out her business right now, she isn't yet swamped and backlogged with editing so turnout is faster than I anticipated.

Now the hard part is picking which ones I'll print for the walls. And maybe talking myself out of doing family photos every year until I die. It's just so fun!

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Monday, August 01, 2016

Adulting is hard


I made a mistake when it came to refilling my anti-depressants in July. I didn't realize I needed to renew my prescription, so I waited too long to call my general practitioner and get the refill before I ran out. I previously had the meds issued by my OB, but since I have no plans for another baby ever in my entire lifetime please and thankyou, I thought it made more sense to have the Rx filled with my GP.

At this point, I've been off the meds since July 5. I was supposed to have a temp refill to tide me over but after a co-pay and a ridiculously long wait at the doctor's office with both kids last Friday afternoon, I discovered the doctor had called the Rx in to the wrong pharmacy. And three weeks later no one thought to call about that Rx sitting on the shelf, not being claimed.



I'm upset because this is partially my fault. I've been so depressed as I've accidentally weaned off my meds and I haven't been my own advocate. It's hard to get out of bed. It's hard to look at my to-do list with any motivation. Even if items on that list would help me feel better (that's something so cruel about depression- sometimes you're so depressed you can't even do the things you know will help you be less depressed). So I never made the call to ask why my Rx wasn't showing up in my online insurance portal (Kev's insurance requires we have home delivery, otherwise the Rx costs an arm and a leg).

I'm also pissed because the doctor I saw on Friday indicated I didn't actually need to come in for a personal visit for him to fill the Rx. He showed me in the system how the Rx had been ordered by him the day after I called his office. So whoever I spoke with on the phone, who told me I had to come in (and couldn't GET in for three weeks), is a moron and I blame him a little for this, too. OKAY I BLAME HIM A LOT. Thanks to him, I spent over an hour and a half waiting in the doctor's office just to be told I didn't have to wait an hour and half in the doctor's office.

Needless to say, I've been a bit of a wreck as the meds have filtered out of my system. I wish I hadn't overlooked that the Rx was expired because it's going to be miserable getting back on my dose and getting back to "normal" again. I just want to stop crying about everything, feeling excessively tired and like I'm in a bottomless pit of despair.

On the bright side, now we all know I should definitely stay on my meds because they work! And, we all know it's time to find a new GP because this one and his office is annoying.

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Thursday, July 28, 2016

Aspen turns SIX!

We've been busy celebrating Aspen for two whole days! Her birthday is the 27th, and we spent time at the local pool with friends, followed by play time at home (with even more friends!). She also received a small box from my parents earlier in the week, as well as birthday cards. I think she's had a really great birthday, and she no longer wishes she had a birthday during the school year.

Aspen loved all the trinkets my mom sent, and she was excited to use the cupcake toppers when we had her party at Chuck E. Cheese today.

Teasing her brother with her money!
We gave Aspen four books in the Never Girls series, and a new Lego City set (an SUV and camper). I'm relieved we have new chapter books to read (plus some Frozen books Kev picked out for her) because I'm having a hard time with the library right now.. mainly to do with how much money I owe them for late fines. Soon it'll be cheaper to buy new books instead of continually check out and keep library books too long.

We had a Chuck E. Cheese party today since Aspen's cousins are back in town. She'd been dreaming of one for a long time, so this was the year! I loved having someone else do all the work for me, and that Kev took the day off to be with us. I also loved that Aspen's cousins accidentally matched her for the party. I'm dying over how cute they all look together.

Sophia also took a day off work and joined us, and it really worked well. She was another helpful set of hands with Lincoln and tokens and tickets!

This Chuck's is a lot cleaner than the last one I went to, and I was so thrilled! It was light and bright and spacious.


With the exception of ^^this^^ ride, all the kids had fun (HAHAHAHAHA OH LINCOLN!).

Aspen could choose a friend to go in the ticket blaster with her, so I climbed in and we had fun catching extra tickets to share with her cousins and brother. I think everyone cleaned up pretty well and got a few not-too-obnoxious trinkets before we left. Thankfully Linc was the only one afraid of the mouse.


I told Sophia I was so touched when Aspen asked me to make chocolate cupcakes from my "special" recipe for her birthday. Earlier this month she and Sophia made some cupcakes from a mix, and she didn't like them. She said mine taste better. Glad to know that the time I take to make those dairy-free cupcakes matters! Also, please note in the photo below that Linc is just licking the frosting off a cupcake my sister is holding for him. Because 1) Linc refuses to feed himself and 2) Linc only likes frosting.


Aspen's cousins SPOILED her! They each brought her gifts, including some fantastic art supplies and some Frozen-themed goggles that will be awesome for all our pool trips. In fact, the kids even like wearing goggles to the splash pad (*insert laughing-so-hard-I'm-crying emoji here*).

Aspen is so partied out that she started bawling as her cousins were leaving this afternoon. Too much excitement the last two days and not enough sleeping.

Thank you everyone who was thinking of Aspen this week! She loved all the messages, cards, gifts and visits.

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Monday, July 18, 2016

Michelle Hall's Funeral

My neighbor passed away recently and I had to break the news to Aspen while trying not to cry my eyes out myself. Michelle adopted my kids as her own grandkids. In the three years we've lived here, Michelle always made a point to holler to Aspen over the fence, asking her to meet her at the gate. When Aspen trotted over to our backyard gate, Michelle would slip a toy, treat or book through the fence to Aspen. After Linc was born, Michelle would make sure two goodies made it through the fence for Aspen to share with her brother.

Aspen spent many hours with Michelle, making cards with her and enjoying her craft hoard. She gave Aspen pages of stickers and scrapbook paper for art projects, and they also picked flowering chives so Aspen could bring plants home after their visits with one another. Whenever we had a rain storm, Michelle and I would send messages back and forth worrying about potential flooding, or asking how the dogs were doing with the flooding. She's also the neighbor I'd call on last-minute to sit in my house when Linc was napping and I needed to pick up Aspen from school.

Michelle's liver failed and she ended up spending a week in the hospital. After she was discharged, she only lasted a couple of days at home before she was admitted again. On the 4th I called the hospital trying to find her but they didn't have record of her in their system. Time got away from me and she died in the hospital a few days later, without me being able to visit her. I feel awful about it, and wish I'd been able to say goodbye. I know she wasn't very coherent, but it's difficult not having closure when someone passes away.
 
Michelle often told me I'm a good mom, even though I know she heard me yell at my kids in the backyard on more than one occasion. I know she heard them fighting with one another, and that she saw once saw Aspen hit Linc in the face with a shovel. But she always complimented me on their good qualities and just laughed off the hard stuff about parenting. She never made me feel like I wasn't doing a good job trying to keep these kids alive and well. She was always so encouraging and supportive and I appreciated it so much.

Her funeral was Saturday and I was asked to sing a hymn during the program. I broke down bawling the first time I practiced it on my own, but right up until the rehearsal with my accompanist I did fine. However, I only made it through one verse during the service before I lost it. Thankfully my talented pianist continued playing while I choked on my own voice. I was able to speak the words of the hymn as the music played, and hopefully it wasn't too distracting to the loved ones in attendance. I'm honored I was able to participate in some teeny tiny way to show others Michelle meant a lot to our family, and that we miss her.

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Wednesday, July 06, 2016

4th of July 2016... continued

On Monday we had Sophia, Jose and Seth over to eat and celebrate with us. Aspen wasn't into sparklers this year, but below you can see Lincoln's reaction to seeing one for the first time. He thought it was pretty amazing. I had noticed this cup suggestion for kids + sparklers, so we gave it a shot.

For the first sparkler we made Linc hold it with his hand somewhat protected by the cup, and I think it helped him realize we need to keep a barrier between himself and the firework. But when he wanted subsequent sparklers, he'd go over to Kev and yell "PUT THE FIRE ON IT!!" And he didn't really want to use the cup anymore. 

He saw real fireworks on our drive home Sunday night, and Aspen started saying how scary fireworks are. Linc was following her lead, but I may have convinced him to say they're "booooofital!" in the sky, and not scary.

When Kev held that first sparkler, Linc asked him to put it in the sky, and was a little disappointed they have to stay so small and low to the ground. I knew he'd like them! And maybe if he hadn't stayed up so late Sunday night I would have let him stay up late Monday night to see the city fireworks show with Kev and Aspen. We also need to get another set of shop-muffs so both kids can have ear protection.

Now that Kev no longer has to work in preparation for the audit, he's able to come home much earlier than usual. It was so nice to have him home in time for dinner on the 4th! This summer is going by so quickly, and he's hardly had any time to be involved in fun. Hopefully we can change that with the next couple of months ahead.

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Tuesday, July 05, 2016

Popsicle Inspired Invitations on OSSS

I recently had the opportunity to do a post for Popsicle on 'Or so she says...' which made all of Lincoln's dreams come true. That kid LOVES pops like nobody's business. Over at 'Or so she says...' you can learn about the delicious new flavors Popsicle debuted this summer, and see the craft I created inspired by the frozen treats. YES I DID A CRAFT I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

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Monday, July 04, 2016

Fourth of July 2016

I can't believe how much Linc has changed since last year. And it's too bad I'll probably never get a 4th of July photo as good as the one I got in 2015. It's a classic. I had it printed onto a huge canvas so it's hanging on my wall for the rest of my life. I may have even used the photo on some of the Christmas cards I sent out last year ;).

Aspen is hesitant to let me take photos of her and Linc these days, but I keep bugging her about it, telling her when she's grown she'll be SO happy to have so many photos with her brother. Not a lot of my family photos survived our house fire and I'm so grateful for the few I have. I love having pictures to compare the kids' faces to, and seeing how they change and look more like each side of the family at different stages in their lives.

Our 4th of July weekend was really low-key. Kev spent the month of June preparing for an important audit at work, and wasn't home much. In addition, he had a side job on Saturday so wasn't home until long after the kids were in bed. I'm exhausted from manning the kids around the clock and working and taking care of the house, and don't have the energy to take the kids to celebrations by myself. It's so stressful keeping an eye on both of them and talking myself out of having an anxiety attack over losing them in public. I had a fleeting thought of going somewhere by myself with the kids, like Bear Lake or Pineview but then I laughed at how ridiculous that would be. I look forward to the next family vacation we have, since it's been 1.5 years. Walking around the neighborhood with the kids on Friday night, it was hard not to feel jealous and depressed seeing neighbors packing up their cars and trailers and boats for their long weekend adventures. I don't want to to do anything huge, but it would be nice to have Kev home so we could at least go to parades, fireworks, picnics, etc. I usually forget how much anxiety I have until I consider doing something (seemingly simple) like that by myself with the kids.

Thankfully they don't need much in the way of adventure to have a good time. Aspen just likes to know why we celebrate certain holidays, and she likes reading about the history behind many of them. Both kids are super happy to eat Popsicles and light sparklers and see the flags that get put up on our street for holidays like this.I'll try not to beat myself up over not doing more, because I'm just trying to do the best I can.

There will be a season for family trips, and I'm sure when we're on those vacations together I'll be longing for the days when my kids were easily entertained by the sandbox, YouTube videos, and dog-sitting for my brother. So I'll enjoy what we're doing now, and how happy the kids are with new books, park play dates with friends, and sitting in kiddie pools together.

Happy Fourth of July!

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Thursday, June 30, 2016

Back to School

Working on Mermaid pose and, apparently, not remembering correctly what it's supposed to look like.

Yesterday I applied to community college as the first step toward registering for my RYT. I was really excited about it and mentioned to Aspen that I was going back to school in a few weeks. She asked what kind, and I mentioned it was college. She asked why I was going to college again. It's hard to tell her that despite all the money and hours I spent getting a degree ten years ago, I'm finally getting training for the thing I really want to do with my life. Better late than never, though, right?!

I'm really grateful for this opportunity, although I am nervous to jump back into foreign territory. It's been so long since I've had to attend classes, study and take tests. I'm only taking two courses the first semester, so hopefully that helps me ease back into the routine of attending school. And hopefully Linc won't be overwhelmed since he'll only be with a babysitter one day a week to start. I'm actually so nervous about that element that I've already starting talking to Linc about it. He loves Lindsey's boys and I think he honestly will have fun with them when she watches him. I'm optimistic we'll have a couple of rough days in the beginning, and then he'll be super-excited about his weekly trip to her house.

In preparation for the course, I've been diligently attending at least one class each week at the Rec Center, and doing a few practices on my own at home. I'm looking forward to how my practice will change as I study more about the basics of Yoga and eventually take the anatomy class. I can't believe it's finally happening. After I get my acceptance letter, that is.

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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Plus One

Kev and I celebrate 10 years of marriage today (well, not literally since our work schedules suck right now).

Over the last couple of months, we've renewed our efforts to go on real dates with one another ALONE WITHOUT CHILDREN OR RUNNING ERRANDS.

For me, it's made a big difference in my relationship. I feel more valued and appreciated just because Kev and I are making the time to spend with each other. I love that I'm valuing myself enough as a wife to have dates with Kev. I was his wife long before I became a mom, and I need to let myself fulfill that role as often as possible.

For fun, here's a little recap of the last 10 years we've spent together:

-1 Honeymoon
-5 homes (LaSal Hall, Wasatch Hall, Pink House, West Jordan rental, Lucky House)
-7 cars (I think... I lost track)
-5 jobs for me, 6 (?) jobs for Kev
-1 dog
-2 Babymoons (Aspen // Lincoln)
-2 kids
-1 trip to Canada
-3 trips to Maine with kid(s) in tow
-1 overnight that's as close to camping with the family as I'd like to get
-1 stay at the Wyndham when Kev worked in their new property
-2 battles with postpartum depression
-1 battle with a Meckle
-Lots of birthdays, Christmases, sleepless nights and so much more

I can't believe it's been a decade. Happy Anniversary, Kev.

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Sunday, June 19, 2016

Father's Day Questionnaire

Every year since 2013 I've had Aspen answer some Father's Day questions to share with Kev. I'm looking forward to asking Linc these questions next year, too. Right now when we ask him a question he just says, "oh" so it's not very amusing.

Me: What is your Dad's name?
Aspen: Kevin.

M: How old is your Dad?
A: I don't know. 25.

M: How tall is your Dad?
A: He's super tall. And he's kind of smart.

M: How much does Daddy weigh? How heavy is he?
A: He's ummm...

M: What's Daddy's favorite food to eat?
A: Meat.

M: What makes your Daddy happy?
A: Giving him hugs.

M: What is your favorite thing to do with Dad?
A: Watch videos, play tablet and give hugs.

M: What makes your Dad mad?
A: When you do bad things.

M: What's your Dad's favorite thing to do?
A: Well he does kind of like Young Men (his calling at church).

M: What is your Dad good at? What can he do?
A: Well, he's good at juggling and the thing he likes to do is... I don't know.

M: What does your Daddy always tell you?
A: Umm he doesn't really tell me something usual. But he likes to tell me jokes.

M: Why does Daddy love you, Aspen?
A: I don't know. How I play with him. And how I tell jokes to him just like he does to me.


M: Anything else you want to say to your Daddy?
A: Umm, I love you Daddy. Umm, I like to play with you. You are the best Daddy ever.

Click the links to see Aspen's answers to these questions from 2013, 2014, and 2015.

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Saturday, June 11, 2016

Letters to Lincoln, month 24

Linky Lou-

Well, we did it! We kept you alive for two years! It's quite the accomplishment, if you ask me. The last two years have been full of a lot of heartache, triumphs, and everything in between. They have been some of the hardest of my life, but they are proving to be so rewarding for our entire family.

Linc, we all love you so much. You're the cutest little boy in our family and you're worth all the exhaustion.



Your language skills are seriously off the charts. About a week before you turned two, you stopped constantly referring to yourself as "Linky" and often spoke of yourself as "me" and "I" correctly. When our neighbor Paul drives by, you yell "He waved at me!" instead of "He waved at Linky!" It's amazing to hear that change happen so rapidly in you. I'll definitely miss hearing you refer to yourself in the third person all the time. But we're happy you're able to communicate so well. I laugh so hard when you repeat the phrases I constantly say, like, "Stop talking and let's watch a show!" or, "STAY WITH ME" when we walk through parking lots or cross the street. I'm always trying to get your attention or your sister's and am saying "stop talking and look at me" so it's no wonder you picked that up.


You got a hair cut yesterday and I was afraid I was going to be stuck working late and your dad would end up taking you. I knew if he did, you'd get another one of those awful big-boy buzz cuts that would make me cry for a thousand years. I'm so glad it worked out and you didn't even freak out this time getting your trim! It was awesome. You do look so big now, but at least not like a little man-child.


Your love for your sister is huge, and whenever she's at a friend's house for a few hours, you usually stop playing or doing whatever and will suddenly say, "Lessss go get Penny now." You miss her when she's gone, and I'm afraid when she's in first grade it will be a rough transition for the two of you. She's convinced she won't have any time to play with you when she's in school all day. We'll have to make sure the time you do spend together is awesome.


Linc, you're singing the ABCs already, and counting quite a bit. Aspen basically taught you everything you know. Which is everything she knows, which is a lot of information. You're very into Cars right now, which is only a littler earlier in life than Aspen (I think she was closer to three when her obsession began). You also love trains, and received a huge electric train set from your cousins (we love hand-me-downs!) for your birthday.


Your food preferences are still a mystery to me. Also, you may be lactose-intolerant as of about a week or two ago. One evening you kids had ice cream after dinner, and you barfed it all up in the middle of the night. A couple of days later you had nothing but a huge glass of chocolate milk for dinner and barfed that up a couple of hours later. Your tummy troubles culminated in you having the hardest time pooping in your entire life during CHURCH. There was a lot of screaming and crying and you were begging me to help and take you home. I did finally help you (yuck) and we played outside until you were ready to go back into church, just in time for snacks in Nursery! So you're off all dairy except for Greek yogurt (which both you and I can eat without any troubles). No more cheese or milk for you, buddy! I'm sorry. It's a tough life, but we'll at least get through the misery of missing out on ice cream together.

Dad started watching YouTube videos with you before bed so you'd stop crying about him being the one to put you to bed, and that little habit is proving hard to break! Now before naps and bedtime you always want a little show. You are obsessed with ninja vids, which is actually parkour. You also went through a phase of wanting to watch car crash compilations, but when Kev realized you were watching actual fatalities occur, he wised up and stopped showing you those (!!!!). You love watching Cars shorts, or those videos during which people open up and play with toys. Aspen went through a phase of watching those, too, and it's so funny! Like, COME ON and go play with your own toys instead of watching someone else do it!


Right now you love wearing hats, anything with baseballs/bats on it, a rocket ship shirt (thank you, Little Einstens), and your Superman light up sneakers that someone gave to me while I was in line once at Kid-to-Kid. Many days you refuse to change your clothes entirely so you often wear PJs until bedtime, when we put on clean PJs. I remember doing the same for your sister when she was your age, too. You love to play ball and are so good at kicking and throwing, and we're working on catching. You're also obsessed with a little fabric doll of Aspen's. She's been kind enough to basically give it to you. You often ask "where's Linky's baby?!" in a distressed, whispery little voice throughout the day. You like to wrap it in your blankies, put it to bed, carry it everywhere and help her watch shows with you. I love that it serves as a substitute for the babies at work that I won't let you take home (the doll ones). Aspen even finds the doll around the house occasionally and runs to you, yelling that she found your baby and you should take better care of it. It's awesome.

Your hair is much more red than Aspen's, and your eyes still seem very blue (whereas hers were shifting to green around this age). You're a little miniature of your sister and it's so great comparing baby photos of the two of you. You usually insist that all the baby photos are you, regardless.



I better stop now before this lasts until your next birthday! I just wanted you to have a good idea of what life was like for your first two years. I'm so glad I was able to do these monthly letters for both you and your sister for 24 months each. She asked me recently why I don't do monthly letters and photos for her anymore, so perhaps I'll do some periodic updates from now on to keep the tradition alive.

Thank you for the chance to be part of your life (A HUGE PART, AMIRIGHT?!), Linky Lou. We love you so much and will keep squishing you as long as you'll let us.

Kisses,
Mama

See Aspen's monthly letter HERE.

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